My Big Day At The Palace - Part 1
Tue 31 Dec 2002

Things have calmed down a bit since the momentous events of the other week. I'm now recovered and composed enough to give you the full run down of events on that great day - read on...

It's 7.05am on the morning of Tuesday 12th November 2002 - a day I'll remember for the rest of my life. The weather is not good - dull, overcast and pissing with rain (typical). After months of waiting, today was THE day. In a few short hours I was going to be presented to the head of state at Buckingham Palace - blimey!.

7.50am: the phone rings and it's BBC LDN's DANNY BAKER on the blower for the first of many interviews that morning. We are chatting live on his breakfast show and he's asking if the nerves are begining to jangle. 'Not really - I can't wait' I replied (which was quite true actually). The only time I showed any outward signs of nervousness was when the chauffeur driven limo failed to show up at it's appointed time of 8.45am. Now I was getting a little jittery. I should have known that WILSON (the chauffeur) would never let me down.

A few minutes later after one of several panic calls to his mobile, he dutifully arrived and parked outside my house in a car I thought would never end (it was that long). It was a magnificent grey/black 1974 MERCEDES 600 PULLMAN V8 stretch limousine - one of only a handfull in the country. An absolutely stunning example - all 6.3 LITRES and 90 GRAND of it! If you are a classic car buff you'll know exactly what I'm saying. The 'ride' and the 'chauffeur' were very kindly loaned to me and my family for my big day by a close and EXTREMELY generous mate, JAY KAY from Jamiroquai from his extensive and rather impressive collection of vintage (and very expensive) cars. JAY and Steve WILSON (the chauffeur) currently on tour in Australia, if you ever get to read this...YOU DID ME PROUD MATE! what a gesture - thanks a million guys!

After checking several times that I hadn't forgotten the royal invites or the the royal investiture letter (quite possible as I was extremely knackered by now), we set off around 9am to ensure we arrived at Buck House at the designated time of 10.30am. This was definatley one time I was NOT going to be late under ANY circumstances. It was also a day that fortune certainly smiled on me because we had driven less than less than a mile from my home when we noticed we'd just missed (by a few minutes) a serious road traffic accident.

Apparently a vehicle had just collided with a police patrol car at a road junction after jumping red lights which resulted in the police car overturning in the middle of the road on impact. A double decker bus which was travelling behind then proceeded to collide into the two cars and subsequently toppled over onto the patrol car crushing and trapping a police officer in the process. We arrived shortly after the incident - just as the traffic was begining back up.

My first thought at that particular moment was OH NO! - I can't be late - not today of all days (heaven forbid). We later learned the surrounding area was totally grid locked for the next THREE HOURS as the emergency services attended the scene. Not learning of the full extent of the incident until much later in the day, it was with great relief, I learned that thankfully nobody was killed.

It was also thanks to the advance driving skills of WILSON (our chauffeur) who ensured we managed to escape the ensuing traffic chaos. We arrived (on time) outside the palace with no further incident. We were then forced to go through the obligatory police security check OUTSIDE the gates (which we found strangely not very thorough). It was a real buzz as we drove through the Palace gates (now THAT was a moment) and were waved straight into the inner courtyard. The Merc was in a class of it's own as it glided right up to the doors of the magnificent entrance to the grand reception area. Boy, 'THIS WAS REALLY IT' I thought as we all alighted from the limo. Wilson then proceeded to park the Pullman right in the middle of the gravelled courtyard where it put every other car (including Rollers and Bentleys) to shame - absolute QUALITY!

I took great delight in handing over my royal invitations to the traditional 'beefeater' who greeted us on the door of the Grand Reception Hall. My name WAS down and I was most CERTAINLY coming in!. So in we trooped. Once inside, I took even more delight in handing in my top hat and cane to the morning suited 'gentleman' who presided over the royal cloakroom - Natch! I must say it took a fair few minutes for the realisation to sink in that I was finally actually INSIDE the Palace itself - WOY! For a brief moment there the words 'to the manor born' sprang to mind (Ha Ha Ha!).

My family members (I was only allowed three guests) were led into a separate reception area while 'recipients' (as we were called) were led into an adjoining waiting room. We (about 150 other recipients) were then fitted with a tiny metal clip hook which slotted neatly into the little button hole in our lapels. This, I was later to discover, was to facilitate the 'pinning' or 'hooking' of medals or gongs to one's person by her majesty who's fingers aren't as nimble as they used to be. Once you receive your medal/gong, they are then both quickly removed by another palace aide.

The medal is then placed back in it's original presentation case for collection immediately the ceremony is over. We were then led away to wait in the Royal Picture Gallery - a huge private art gallery owned by the Queen. This part of the Palace is also known as the 'spine' as it is by far the longest room in the bulding stretching almost from one end of the Palace to the other. The grandeur of the place has to be seen to be believed. Magnificent paintings and sculptures adorn every wall (didn't get to see any other rooms though). Household Cavalry guards , beefeaters and assorted royal gofers lined every stairwell and doorway in this vast living museum, so going for a quick gander was out of the question.

Though there was an air of apprehension in the room, I felt strangely at ease, not in any way overawed by the occasion nor intimidated by the presence of such high brow company - especially in such opulent surroundings as the Palace. There I was, little 'ol Norm, resplendant in my bespokely tailored morning suit (cheers for the sartorial advice EDDIE DUFFER) hobnobbing it. I was quietly sipping (Royal) Malvern mineral water (of course) whilst confidently exchanging pleasantries with various ambassadors, wing commanders, viscounts, dames, retired colonels, captains of industry and professors.

It dawned on me at that moment just how far I've come - scary! - Me, a bloody old deejay from Notting Hill an' all - would you credit it? HA HA HA!! After about an hour of hanging about we were then given our final instructions on the correct way one should greet her majesty by an aide. I glanced around at the assembled faces around me and couldn't help but notice how nervous they all were.

Again, strangely, I felt quite calm infact. Everyone listened intently to the tall, immaculately dressed master-at-arms military type whose job it was to explain the etiquette and protocol to everyone present. His incredibly plummy accent immediately raised a smile - putting everyone at their ease. NO ONE wanted to f*ck up this part - least of all me. The intructions were again backed up by a video shown on two discreetly placed tv monitors located in a secluded corner of the room for our convenience. I coudn't help but notice the amount of cameras dotted around the place - they were absolutely EVERYWHERE. Most were very discreet but some were very in your face. You had the feeling unseen eyes were constantly watching your every move. I suppose I shouldn't really have been surprised at the level of internal security given the recent highly publicised sexual allegations against certain palace insiders - WITHIN those hallowed walls. At around 11.50am, my name was finally called along with nine other would be recipients. We were asked to make our way towards one of two assembly points specially roped off within the art gallery.

Zero hour was approaching. We were then required to assemble in alphabetical order and instructed to exit the Royal Picture Gallery in single file behind mister master-at-arms. What a sight we must have looked as we all 'strolled on' behind him - aping his every arm and head movement - HA HA HA!! (LOL). We were then led down a long ajoining corridor across the rear of the main auditorium where our families were seated in audience of the Queen. I just caught a fleeting glance of my lot and exchanged reassuring smiles. Can't remember exactly what the chamber looked like as I was in a bit of a daze by this point.

The lack of sleep and stuffy atmosphere in the large domed room was begining to take it's toll. I remember it was all very grand with a live orchestra providing the appropriate sedate music (a far cry from what I was used to) in a raised gallery to the rear of the auditorium directly opposite the Queen. Around the rest of the hall were dozens of beefeaters and assorted royal coutiers who all really looked the part in their traditional costumes. In a few short moments my date with destiny would finaly become a reality - I was making history - blimey!. I had one last quick glance at myself in one of the huge mirrored windows which adorned the lavish hall and made sure my collar and tie was straight. I HAD to be properly turned out. Ater all, I was representin', not only my family but for ALL of us.

I wanted to make damn sure I came correct!! We were then required to form an orderly queue in an adjacent side room - just out of sight of the hushed audience until my name was called by the Lord Lieutenant who then checked my credentials. To my relief, everything was in order and I slowly stepped up to the last courtier who was positioned a few yards from where the Queen herself was stood. She was standing on a slightly raised plinth which ensured she was taller than any prospective recipient thus enabling her to adequately reach over without having to stretch. It was the duty of this particular royal official to inform you when you were about to be summoned from the wings.

He whispered discreetly in my left ear again, ensuring I was who I said I was, then repeated the etiquette instruction one final time. I was next up on the list to approach the Queen. In the next instant, it was MY turn. He instructed me to start my approach as soon as I heard the begining of my surname being called...''MR NORMAN J...'' I stepped forward a few paces, stood to attention looking straight ahead, then about turned to my left, bowed my head and stepped forward as instructed, bowing once more.

While this was happening, my name and citation was read out aloud by another of the queen's personal aides standing by her side (I'm not quite sure who this was) ''to NORMAN JAY with the recommendation he be appointed a Member of the Order of The British Empire for services to deejaying and music..'' She then offered the royal right hand which I duly accepted. Her grip was firm but feminine. Then smiling slightly, she leaned towards me pinning the tiny silver medal attached to a red ribbon on my left lapel - BLING! What a moment! And bwoy did I puff out my chest (LOL!). It was one of THE proudest moments of my life. I know you're all dying to know what she said to me - so to the best of my recollection, here goes - our conversation went something like this...

HM: 'And where exactly do you deejay?'

NJ: 'In London Your Majesty - I host a weekly black music programme for the BBC ma'am'

HM: 'Really? and, and how long have you been doing this?'

NJ: 'For more years than I care to remember ma'am (smiling) - an awful long time'

HM: 'And what time is your programme broadcast?

NJ: 'It's broadcast every sunday evening between 8 and 11pm ma'am'

HM: 'Well congratulations'

NJ: 'Thank you very much ma'am'

I then stepped back a couple of paces still facing her, bowed for the final time then proceeded to exit stage right. In a flash it was all over. Done it - YIPPEEEE!!!!

Unbeknown to me at the time, the WHOLE episode was captured on glorious digital tape by my employers - the BBC (blimey!). They proceeded to run my 'investiture' clip on the BBC national 6 O'clock news - repeating it again on the main 10 O'clock news bulletin too. Loads of you saw it (many of you texting and calling to tell me - cheers!) but unfortunately I MISSED IT - DOH! Anyway, the BBC have very kindly sorted me a copy of the video (thank goodness). I'm pretty knackered right now but look out for PART 2 of this enthralling royal story - the afterparty at Subterania etc plus LOADS more pictures!!! - all coming very, very soon (promise)...

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Thanks for all your support on my recent FUNK FACTORY shows on BBC Radio 2. Wed 6th's show was the LAST programme in the current series. As far as I know, it's been pretty well received out there in radio land and the powers that be at auntie beeb are pretty impressed with the results too. So big respect to my FF producer ALEX FELDMAN, and my co host - former original JB horn man and completely unteacheachable 'Uncle' FRED WESLEY and everyone at SOMETHIN' ELSE PRODUCTIONS. I really do hope we'll all be back for another Funk Factory series sometime early next year - here's hoping!

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....and finally, yes, we DO know about our little archive problem (more server hassles Im afraid), so don't be alarmed - we're on the case to get it sorted as soon as possible! I'll be back when I can so in the mean time friends....

CYA! 2002 - it WILL be good for YOU! Norman Jay MBE